Learning to Fall

If you know me, you know that I am quite good at taking what should be a normal conversation and making it awkward. Often to my own detriment and mostly without my awareness until after the fact. It’s not a skill I am proud of but I do think it has taught me a lot about how I view others as well as the art of socializing. More pointedly, I am definitely a believer in giving the benefit of the doubt.

That being said, it was a few years ago when a new mom asked me what type of shoes I recommended for her toddler to help him learn to walk. I very simply replied that I thought the less shoes the better. The more often the child could be barefoot the better. Of course, I wasn’t saying to walk down the street with no shoes on in New York City, but definitely around the house, in the backyard, a park, if applicable, etc. This mom looked at me with concern and disbelief which immediately made aware that this was not an expected response. I quickly tried to save the conversation and suggested some shoes I had purchased for my toddler.

I left that social interaction knowing I had completely missed my opportunity to explain myself and in fact did not think shoes were unnecessary. I understand that some shoes are more beneficial for early walking and some more restrictive. However, what stuck out to me later, as I mulled over yet another awkward social interaction (anyone else spend too much time doing this?) was this idea that shoes might be able to help our children learn how to walk.

So, here goes: the less we do, the better (most of the time).

When we allow infants the time and space to be infants - to move their bodies in their own way - they do all the steps in the sequence they need to do. Our children get to these milestones, such as walking like in this case, in their own time and in their own way. Their learning is intrinsic, it happens because it must. Most importantly, when we don’t intervene with our “help” or provide products that we think might speed up their development, our children get to feel ownership over their growth and mastery of these skills. This way, they naturally learn to support themselves and their developmental progress.  

When my children were learning to walk, I was adamant they learned to do this on their own. I wanted them to “learn to fall,” a phrase my father used when I was learning how to ride a dirt bike. I took this piece of advice, along with the limited knowledge I had as a young mother, and applied it to my children learning to walk. I did not interfere with their struggles to master this skill. I stood by when they lost their balance from standing, toddling and toddler running - which is the most terrifying thing ever. Did they have bumps and bruises? Of course. Will every child eventually get to this stage regardless? Probably. I will say I have seen both my kids save their faces and noggins multiple times; however, have had their fair share of black eyes and goose eggs far bigger than I was comfortable with.

If we allow our children to learn to fall, they will learn to catch themselves. Children learn the extent of what they can do and how to do it. Simply put, they become problem solvers. They learn to calculate what they want to do and how they can accomplish it. Does this mean we NEVER help them? What if they get stuck or the risk is more than you are comfortable with? Then we should adapt.  My approach is to get low, go slow and be present with them in these moments.

For example, when my son was just starting to walk, he approached a creek crossing filled with big rocks in rainboots. As he surveyed the treacherous crossing, standing there in his rainboots that cut him off at the knees, my response was to get on his level, be present and examine the situation with him. I took a minute to explain what I saw before him; I said the rocks might be tricky - the water makes them slippery. I explained that I would be standing right beside him if he was ready to cross. I tried to point to spots I thought might be helpful to step on and to note the mud and leaves on the other bank; basically, I was there to guide him through.

This, this very thought, this is the next level of critical thinking from learning to fall to being a self-learner. This step is pivotal. When we allow our children this control over their bodies, their environment and how they interact with it, we are saying to them: You are meant to explore. That you can explore what your body is capable of, your abilities within this environment and how the environment will iwith you in return.

“Be careful of what you teach, it might interfere with what they are learning.” -Magda Gerber

There is absolute magic in letting them be the leader. You are building more than just a child that walks, you are building a child that is confident in themselves, their ideas, their movements and their environment.